As The World Turns

Prologue to Prologue:
Blogger's been acting damn weird after 2 days now I finally get to post again.

Prologue:

Whilst in the midst of researching the subject of getting well (ok ok we were talking about the benefits of Cockroach entrails on curing Acne), through further aimless Googling and talking Cock (no reference to that Rooster ). The lucious Dr. Chen and maddeningly Dr. Fly By Night (ahem, Moi) discovered the secrets of cures for common ailments through eating laviously and lustily with local South East Asian foods. More specifically, food commonly found in the region known as Malaysia and Singapore.

During the research, done through millions of seconds Go-Ogling at foods, it was concluded that curing yourslef and gaining weight is a far more enjoyable activity compared to endless hours of aerobic exercise, wearing out your joints, eating less than a mouse and paying your other doctors (present authors exempted) millions of dollars to fix all of the above side effects through plastic surgery (For example, Lost of Boobs, Sagging Love Handles and Sagging Arm Bottoms symptoms as opposed to Voluptous figures, DD Cups and Full Hips). We discovered through this research that paying this pair of doktors millions of Dollars/billions of Ringgit is far more preferable as we provide the latest and greatest in food and oh yes the cure too, we think. (Email us for our bank account numbers.)

This publication is by no means comprehensive and new chapters are added all the time, whenever a new succulent dish is discovered and a use of a cure found for it. In that order.

We now present:

"How to cure yourself and gain weight by eating fats" by Chen M.D. (Medical Doktor, real wan) and Flyboy aka Fly By Night M.D. (Mad Doctored).

SORETHROAT
It is known that drinking Vinegar may help cure Sore Throats. But we'd rather eat true and original Teochew Fishball Mee which is loaded with Vinegar. Ask your local favourite hawker for additional dollops of Vinegar like the whole bottle. You get to enjoy your noodles and crunchy Fish Balls while curing your sore throat. You may also opt for Extra Extra Extra hot chilli. If the Vinegar doesnt work, burning off the lining of your throat most certainly will. After one mouthful of this mixture, your tongue should be sufficiently anesthetised so you should not feel a thing but taste all its glory.

THE COMMON COLD
Try this combination of Curry Extra Spicy Vindaloo with additional servings of Japanese Wasabe. It is guaranteed that your Sinus will be unclogged in no time. Please allow for extra boxes of Kleenexes or as we prefer, as it is more absorbent, Huggies Kitchen Towels. It is alleged that this one stays intact when wet. A very desirable quality.

THE COMMON COUGH
Since sweet things makes your cough worse. We now recommend the opposite end of the spectrum and go salty. One specialty is Fried Rice with Salted Fish. Lots of Salted Fish. Preferrably the whole damn Pacific Tuna sized fish. As an appetiser, Kiam Chai Soup may be served before the entree to sufficiently adapt your tongue for the upcoming feast. Should you be living out somewhere in the west like Canada, Chicken Soup may be substituted for the Kiam Chai Teng. Just remember to use the whole bottle of Ajinomoto when seasoning.

THE COMMON HEARTPAIN (Lover Breakupitus)
There is only one solution and that is Chocolates. We prefer Dark Chocolate, preferably Swiss. However should the attack be an Acute one, any thing by Cadbury is sufficient. Its Purple wrapping is somewhat Royal (Feels like you are above others) and Gay (Makes you stop hating the opposite sex and perhaps temporarily or perhaps permenantly gain an appreciation for the same sex). Looking at it makes you feel better. We do not recommend KitKat as its red colour may otherwise incite you to perform acts of derring do you may regret. You only burn his or her house down AFTER you have removed all your precious items like The Ex-Significant Other's credit cards, bank cards, checkbooks etc.

THE COMMON HEADACHE
There is a bit of a argument of the benefits of Garlic on healing headaches with one camp for and one camp against (mainly the air freshener nice smell lovers) but we believe Garlic does help. The best way to consume Garlic and lots of it is with Bak Kut Teh soup. Triple, Quadruple or Millionuple the amount of Garlic you usually use.

THE COMMON BAD BREATH (Garlicoitis)
After consuming Garlic laded Bak Kut Teh, you may notice people tending to avoid you. Garlic is known for its mother of all bad breath side effect. So we recommend as dessert after BKTgladen, the King of fruit aka Durain. Please note, this only works for those born in the region which actually has Durain. Persons from other regions, notably the west may disagree.

Disclaimer:
The above recommendation have not be subjected to double blind studies as during our attempts at such, the control group often secretly snuck out to hang out with the medicated group, rendering all results meaningless other than a siginificantly increased number of happy faces in both groups.


Next book. Weight and You. Soon at a blog near you.