Tuesday, January 31, 2006

It Won't Be Easy - Part 1

Altho, I declared a few posts ago, I know where I want to go, the journey isn't going to be easy; As my coach said (Has anyone here done LP?) I'll will have to live my ways of being before I can find others. Being an Attention Deficit Overgrown Kid, listening to the lyrics (finally I'm paying attention), this song really struck me. Don't be so sucky my coach said, gotta love myself before I start loving others else it will always be at arms length. Music really does brings you back from the edge. A poignant reminder of where not to go again(and of great music, really soulful this, how come today's singers got no expression like Gino here) .

Living Inside Myself

In my life
I’ve felt so self assured
But suddenly it’s all changed
She’s a cloud
That hangs above my world
And I find myself wond’ring in the rain
And now I can’t go on

’cause I am lost
Living inside myself
Living inside this shell
Living outside your love
I am lost
Somewhere inside my own dreams
Afraid of what life really means
Living without your love

I need a guiding light
To shine on my darkest days
I was young, and time was on my side
But like a fool I let it slip away
And now those days are gone

And I am lost
Living inside myself
Living inside this shell
Living outside your love
I am lost
Somewhere inside my own dreams
Afraid of what life really means
Living without your love

In my life
I’ve felt so self-assured
But oh how all the seasons change
And now I’m not that strong

’cause I am lost
Living inside myself
Living inside this hell
Living outside your love
I am lost
Somewhere inside my own dreams
Afraid of what life really means
Living without your love

I am lost
Living inside myself
Living inside this shell
Living outside your love
I am lost

"...look back and remember that hard work is an accomplishment in itself and that no matter where you rank in the "race" you cross the finish line for yourself" - Lori Rickett BFL competitor

No more
The answer is always within isn't it?
It's been a tough day.
2.3km 18:00 just didnt have the mood or energy today.
Hmmm need a plan...I know whats missing in my runs, an iPOD.. :D

Sleepless in Lake Louise

Dang, sleepy but not sleepy
Its still the night of the 30th altho the clock has passed 12.....

Monday, January 30, 2006

Ice Magic

Over the weekend there was a Ice Magic Festival here.
The highlight which was the Ice Carving Contest.
Some highlights

The winner - Stars
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2nd place - Chariots
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3rd place - King Kong
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An Ice Bar!! pity it was closed when I got there :(
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The white spots you see on the night pics are snow falling, the flash bouncing off them thick flakes ....

It snowed and snowed and snowed all day today. Today big snow storm. The most leychey part was having to brush all the snow off the car.

There was about 5 inches of snow I had to brush off yikes. Left a little bit, took me almost 5 minutes, tromping around in above ankle deep snow.
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Ever see snow sag? it looks kinda cute and farnee to see snow slowly slide off cars. Usually it sticks like glue.:P
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Sunday, January 29, 2006

A Brand New Lunar Year

Yup got a brand new moon coming out in 15 days time. Hope I can catch a pic of it .....(need a new camera though (hint hint), this one needs spectacles already. Any recommendations for a Cheap and Good cam?)

Went to work today, finally remembered to bring some cds and I was tippy tappety toes all the way (since no one in office), felt more like play than work!

And what a great start to the day, it was a really nice morning, clear with little magic puffs in the sky. These are for Jomel;

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Magic Gold Puffs

Made some Bak Kut Teh for lunch and since the ang mohs here don't celebrate the CNY, they made up for it by having a Ice Carving Festival. Will post some pics after I'm home.

Still at work ;) I praying hard this means good year for career!

P/S: yesterday 15:53 - 2.4k, C w/o

Saturday, January 28, 2006

A New Start

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It's a little past midnight and I've been IM'ing with my guardian angel (who else would show up at the 11th hour?) for the last 3 1/2 hrs
dealt with my sucking issues
got slapped and knocked on the head a couple of times
tried to act blur but didn't get away with it
but the outcome of this
I not so blur now

I finally found my direction at last and it aint the direction
been looking in the wrong place
its my intention

got a lot of work to do ahead of me,
what a great way to start the new year
a new dawn is here
now please kick my butt should I act blur again...

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Friday, January 27, 2006

Month end period....

Thurs 2.4K 16:00 3.2k 22:29, S & A w/o Yes!
Heng.... lucky I went to gym early, boy was it crowded. Maybe tonite can do some cycling and C bits...

Next week month end closing is here again. Every time this period comes around sure very sian, lots of O/T. Gotta work this sunday too, darn...

Been snowing all day today.
Hopefully it clears tmw so I can hang around a bit, drink coffee and watch the birds as it will be my only off day till next sat : (

Just occurred to me that this Sun is Chinese New Year! bummer

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Red Wednesday

What a day it was yesterday.

Got some stuff done, discover a lot of mistakes at work (my predecessor's fault! sheesh more work) a lot of work that still needs to be done, started work today an hour earlier to clear (hopefully) my backlog cos I really don't want to stay any later than I can.

But I guess the most frustrating bit yesterday was that I couldn't fit in my run. The treadmill at work is broke. Went to the other gym BOTH treadmills were being used, I didn't really feel like hanging around for these guys to finish ( I wonder why these girls are ALWAYS on the treadmill, runs for long periods and are still fat, I've done runs for only 2 weeks and already my belt has gone down a notch, marathon training works for fat slimming!! and never ever take more than an hour for a full workout!) and I was getting hungry anyway so I went home and ate half raw Asam Laksa... tot the noodles and tau pok had been cooked earlier but naturally they weren't, waiting to see today if anything "interesting" will happen, so far not. Went to sleep reaaaaall early at 8pm and then woke up at 4am and watched some tv, had breakfast then went to work.

Today die die must run, so will be going to another gym (last hope), haven't got any outdoor running clothes yet. Yup around here need outdoor winter running stuff otherwise when you come back, might find missing bits of your fingers or appendages.

Last 3 months have been going to work before the sun comes up and going home after the sun is set. Now that the days are getting longer was hoping to cach the sun come up this morning, but of course not since I'm in 1.5 hrs earlier at work today. Yesterday's was just beautiful, seeing it peek out of the mountain tops, a glorious pinkish red and no camera!! Was hoping to catch a pic today but obviously that will have to wait

So meanwhile this pic will have suffice to remind me of what daylight looks like.
Atop of Mt Kinabalu Apr 05.

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Skating ... soon

Ahh skating something I will taking up and learning......

The Ice Castle in the middle of the skating rink on the lake .... there is night skating here
under a moonlit sky and mountains around you, just marvelous. Of course I haven't really skated yet, just sit and watch and wish falling wasn't painful ...haha
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Another rink next to the main rink for hockey
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Monday, January 23, 2006

A New Dawn

Egads, yesterday's run sucked big time...
17:32 2.4k & 24:00 3.2K
need to better learn how to pace myself in the rarefied air but also I did the run at the end of a mostly standing 8hr work day at 11pm... whew and then couldn't sleep until 1.30am and today die... so stoned. But at least I did 2 miles (3.2K) hehe.


A new day, a new dawn, a new beginning, even the sun gets up earlier these days (but of course since the winter solstice is over for one month liao)

So... I have a hazy idea what I want, dreams dredged from deep deep down, and penned them, before I forget again... on another blog so I can track them and becos its still somewhat public, die die must do.Have fun looking for it.

Make an impact on the lives of others (thanks for the reminder Mother Superior!), dang forgot about this bit, something I used to enjoy doing but have not since spending time diving around and swimming in my own innercentric wants.

Now I remember, Zig Ziglar said, Give others what they want and you'll get what you want, (Did I forget everything? Better start taking my Gingko)

Anyways, it's one small step at a time, which will become many steps and like a marathon just gotta Persevere, which btw is one of the Tenets of TKD which I used to do so many moons ago, aiyoh last time can do splits these days its the pants that split. Hmmm another thing to add to my to do list.

But in case I forget again, which I did and had to go and look it up, the five Tenets are:

1) Courtesy
2) Integrity
3) Perseverance
4) Self-Control
5) Indomitable Spirit

Used to be so On about them, wonder what happened along the way, grew up and started working I guess.

So here's a start and for those who've been in and out of my blog since I started (highly unlikely since I am a silently silent Stealth blogger), it's background has gone from black black to cheery and light and some more got lighthouse to shine the light and hopefully the way


Yikes! It just dawned on me Canadians have voted today! And I made my decision then too!
Hmmm that butterfly musta been flapping real hard, so many particles buzzing...
connectedness eh

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Dreams... soon

In quantum physics, as applied to human beings, there is a theory that at the sub-sub-sub-atomic level we all have particles that exists in each one of us that are the one and the same. In other words, I have what you have. Some of us have more of these common particles than others, hence the "clicking" effect. You know the bit where you meet someone for the first time and somehow you feel like you've known them forever and get along fabulously.

So what this means is that what we do can have an impact on someone somewhere else, although they may not know it and that also explains the mulitude of gut feels, hunches, premonitions, sixth senses that we get. Hence the butterfly effect.

Back to the present;

So I've been wallowing in my own despair about ever finding out what I ever want to do or be and posted a piece on this. Jomel comes along adds her 100 dollars worth (this is valuable!), then I go and surf her blog and comes across her twin Poison who had just (!) posted a similar piece along the same lines and whoa, coincidence? conspiracy ? More to come, just got off the goggle box watching a story on Genghis Khan and basically what drove this bloke into being the greatest conqueror of all time was his dream. Hmmm.... a universal conspiracy it seems, even the Discovery Channel is involved.

Some butterfly has been busy flapping its wings heavily and getting all of us to jiggle to the Why Me? dance.

Plagiarising from Poison's blog;
"..I've tried to get over my broken dreams but I am too afraid to dream again."
That is exactly my problem. Fear. Over 40 years of the memories of social conditioning, moderate successes and flat out failures had basically covered my dreams in a pile of volcanic - don't want to do that again - ash so deep I need dynamite to dig them out again.
Like there is the fight or flight response, there is also the fright and freeze response, I'm frightened of what's out there so I freeze, don't move, status quo is better more comfy than moving.. So at present I've frozen on dreaming or at least it's easier to dream about frolicking on a nice tropical beach.
As a toddler or a kid, you have no inhibitions, just go do it. As an adult, face, image, etc throws up the wall Inhibitions. And you stand there just staring at the damn thing. Well Genghis Khan, while on his way to conquer China had a similar problem with the great wall of China. But he was an overgrown kid, he just simply went around it. Kids would have done it, but adults would stand and frown and scheme about bringing the wall down. So be a kid again.

Now, a quote from Tim's book since this is my favourite subject at the moment:

"Things are not what they seem, and yet they are. There's a secret no one is telling you, that you already know. But don't worry. You aren't the only one thinking about this. Don't look for the answers. Be the answer."

I had a dream, now I got to remember where I doggone put it.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

My Holy Grail

Fri I huffed and puffed to a so so 16:42 for the 2.4k. Uncle Gout came and paid me a visit today so hasnt been any running. If my ankle is not stiff, tmw will be doing the run.

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Its amazing how fast time flies, thought I had just posted my blog not so longago, but 4 days has passed since my last. .. whew, which brings me to my hat seems like a never ending pet question;

Why am I here? not physically but as in purpose, calling, need etc etc etc.. see I can't even pin it down here.

Which path shall I take? Which career should I do? Completely lost here

Reading Tim Allen's book really has me thinking, as if I'm not thinking enough yet. For sure, pushing past the big four oh and being here has got me going what on earth am I doing here and why? As Tim so succintly put it, 'It's not enough to just live, you have to live for something'

And what is that something? Still searching for that Holy Grail.

Or am I just barking nuts?

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Calgary Zoo

Being so used to zoos in asia, I pretty much took it for granted zoos anywhere else will be the same.


An indoor zoo, amazing but of course, if not these fellas will freeze! There are usually exits that leads to the outside enclosure during the summer for the animals. The first thing that strikes you is not of the surroundings, but the Smell when you enter...urrgghh animal poo hmmm

One of the Africa Savanah buildings
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It gets busy on a Saturday!
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Giraffes and the Hippo pond..indoors the wall behind actually opens up into a outside area during the summer
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A Warthog, big ugly fella, that dark hole in the background leads to the outdoor area
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A big Hippo and a baby Hippo cute!
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Huff and puff I ain't no magic dragon

Friday - on a high after doing a cooooool run, did some chest workout ..

Saturday - Chest ouch today. Soaked in the pool and Jacuzzi, had it all to myself, so calm and serene in the pool especially at 9.30pm in the evening and watching the snow fall outside ..

Sunday - Shoulders and arms workout, saw this old dude going great guns on the treadmill, really inspiring since I am also prepping for the marathon.

Then, later I found out he was Buzz Aldrin!!!

Wahhhhh....Daaaammmmmnnnnnnn I didn't get to speak to him!!!! Wail!! In case you dunno who Buzz is, He was one of 2 guys who were ever the first people to set foot on the moon! Yup THAT Astronaut. Sigh....Thought then he looked familiar but kinda short so it didn't stike me he was him, I suppose you need to be small to fit into the space capsule.

I also missed the whole shebang at the Chateau, they had some kind of celebrity charity event over the weekend and apparently, John Schneider, Martin Sheen, Dan Ackroyd, Ed Begley, Geena Davies plus a whole bunch of other celebrities had popped by the shop where I work part-time, damn missed that too. But then again, I got to crawl into my Lancaster and gallavant all over the Calgary Zoo, which I think was more Groovy for me, haha.

Monday - BAM .. stopped flying and crashed back on earth.

I struggled with the run taking 15mins to do 2km (!) and the damn treadmill stopped at 15mins because I didn't know the last 5 mins was a cool down, had set it at 20mins.

Analysis -
* My legs were still a bit stiff after last fri's run.
* My left knee which I twisted while skiing 2 weeks ago was acting up, feeling weird, stiff and actually a little painful when I was warming up with cross overs. Probably aggravated by fri's run. All that pounding and I ain't light (95kg although I look 10kg lighter, hehe muscle mass :P)
* I was huffing and puffing during the run, not like fri when I was really comfy running. Hmmm ... Eureka! Lake Louise (elevation 5000 feet) is almost 2000feet higher than Calgary (elevation 3000 feet) when I did last fri's run. No wonder I'm struggling when I'm back here and it seemed so easy in Calgary.

Solution -
Need to rethink my timing goals somewhat
Should have done a recovery run on sunday or saturday, should do one after every hard run.

BUT STILL (!) I'm aiming for that 14:00 here in LL, soon! :)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Nanton and a Lancaster

Exercise off day!

Ever since I was a kid, I've been reading about the derring dos of intrepid airmen in Avro Lancasters of Bomber Command carrying out daring raids all over Germany in WWII. The famous 617 sqn with their dam busting raids and carrying the Tall Boy bomb that sank the Tirpitz.

Finally I got to see a Lancaster bomber up close and personal and just about crawl all over and inside it too.... a dream come true!
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The town, Nanton, where the Lanc is based. Small town, but a really interesting part of the prairies;

A historical grain tower..circa...long ago..
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Main Street
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Sunday, January 15, 2006

Short Vacation

2 days ago Friday - 1.5 miles (i.e 2.4km) 15:07

I tried to make 14:00 but a combination of a treadmill calibrated to MPH instead of my usual KMH and a too heavy curry dinner (I was on vacation!) conspired against me. Yea Yea... excuses, but I tried and still managed to lop almost 1:40 off my last time... ok this friday 14:00!

This is so ironical, people from the city usual venture up to Lake Louise, where I work and live, for Their vacation and I head Into the City for My vacation..haha

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Quantum Physics

2.4km 16:41

Sheer coincidence... fate again? or is my imagination running in overtime?

I've been reading a book, might be hard to take seriously since the author is a well (very) known comedian. It's called "I'm not really here" by Tim Allen of Home Improvement and lots of movies fame. In it he is going through exactly what I am going through, except that he has got a helluva lot more time and money to research the subject. That subject is a mid life crisis. I'm still sitting my butt wondering what the heck to do and finally picked up a book, THIS book, thinking some humour might cheer up my LIFE and what is dude writing and thinking? Exactly my same thoughts albeit in his way but essentially the same thing.

Truth of the matter is that, he's really put some thought into it, once you see through the wise ass lines. One of the paths he's been going down is that of Quantum Physics, what isn't that the super chim science bit? Yes and No. But strangely it seems to click. One of the theorems is that we are not really here but we are here at the same time and we are all connected to things, people, anything simultaneously. Remember something called the Butterfly Effect?

But this didn't really hit me until tonight.

I turned on the TV (yea yea, I'm addicted to it.... so much to see, my fav channel is the Discovery Channel) and went to the movie channel (ooops, well Disc. mostly) and saw all these dancing globs and something about ennervation of nerves and bio chemistry and then somehow Quantum Physics started to creep into it. The fact that it is a well made, interestingly intriguing and entertaining (lots of great songs!) movie made me stayed glued. Of course, to keep me glued, there is this attractive chick who turns out to be Marlee Matlin. There are all these Harvard, MIT and Ivy League Uni Professors explaining a bit here there.

What the Bleep do we know? is the title. www.whatthebleep.com is the website, haven't been there yet, but you can bet your rats ass I will be there.

Then right at the end of the movie, the link between nerves, bio-chemistry and Quantum Physics all come together with the question of is God really out there? or is he within all of us as QP explains it. Might not be a movie for the religiously fervent.

But I had been searching for why Believe? I had spent 10 years in a Catholic school, actually studied the book of Luke for my O Levels, yet I am not baptised, don't claim affiliation with any religion and am still searching for the answer to the question, is there a god and which one?. Will there ever be an answer? Probably not.

I've spent too much time staring at the stars, watching astronauts (the luckiest people on this planet) do space walks and hang out in space. Thanks to Star Wars (action hero) and more of Star Trek (the Last frontier) begs the question where is God? In or beyond the Milky Way or amongst us right now?

The scriptures was written 2000 years ago. Back then man was firmly rooted to the ground and the sky represented the heavens. Now with the man firmly rooted in space, are the heavens are in the other galaxies? This has me rather perplexed. Naturally being the thinker that I am, the more I ponder the more intrigued and unsatisfied I become.

So the essence of this movie and the book and QP, is that being the most biologically complex walking chemistry set on this planet, QP might explain could explain some of the feelings and thoughts we have such as intuition, gut feelings etc is the result of the effect of our interconnectedness to everyone and everything thanks to the sub nuclear molecular effects of everything as QP explains it.

Chim.. I know, but it makes sense to me or at least helps to answer some questions I had. I can probably go on, but I'll also probably end up with a book instead of a blog.

Being a Libra, I will as usual, likely to straddle the fence and end up with both QP and God. At least I got insurance in case my airplane decides to fall out of the sky, QP ain't gonna help then .....

Quantum Physics apparently is all about possibilities. The movie does really ask some really penetrating questions.

So as has often been preached, taught, seminared, workshoped to death within me;

If it is to be, it is up to me. I become what I think about, therefore I am.

Tomorrow I'm going for 14:00 and finish the rest of the book.

and Marlee Matlin is still one cool chick 10 years on.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

snow snow and a triathlon

It's been snowing non stop since last week! and more snow is on the way for the rest of the week...darn, going to Calgary this weekend.

The daily snowfall can be thick enough on the parking lot, to reach the car's bottom, even though they have snow plows to clean the snow out everyday. Good thing the extra height of the snowfall, helps clean the car's bottom, hehe.

It'd be interesting only if I didn't have brush the snow off the car every morning to go to work and every evening to get home! snow brush exercise..sheesshh...

But on the other hand, EVERTHING is really white now. Its been a late winter and a month famous for VERY cold temperatures is operating at borderline, oh give or take a few degrees. I hear Calgary is totally brown and it was +9C there last weeekend, in January! This can only mean one thing, we are in for it in Feb!!

today 2.4km 17:03.. not quite what I expected but slight improvement over last week. Best bit was that I didn't stop, so that's an improvement!

For now, I'm sticking to the 2.4km distance becos,
a) It's a distance very well known to NS guys (I wonder what's the min. timing for Cat Z+?)
b) I know what I have and can do during at distance, so got a good benchmark to measure against (lets just say the best I ever did was a silver :P )
c) Its short enough to force you to sprint but long enough to give your lungs a goooood workout.
d) and most importantly, cos its a sprint, I am counting on it to help with me with my speed which I suck at... :)

Tomorrow we go again... 16:00 maybe? Thinking of a 7am run...hehe.. if I can wake up, 5 BX here I come

The reason for me running again was becos I happened to watch (fate?) the 2005 Hawaiian Ironman Triathlon on TSN TV (and again on Entertainent Tonight (!), see a few lines donw for why) ,seeing a one legged girl with a artificial leg, a guy with ALS (Lou Gerig's Disease) who couldn't use his hands, a 81 year old man and that JAG actor David Elliot James (45 y/o) and about 1700 other people, ALL swim 3.8km, bike 180km, run a full marathon 42km (Yes all three and in that order) and finish within the cut off time (17hrs), made me wonder what I was doing on my butt...?

And what has snow got to do with all this?
I wanna go running outdoors!!! sigh

Friday, January 06, 2006

OK the training has started.... :P

tues - getting to remember what a treadmill looks like........ :P

wed 2km 18mins

today fri 2.4k 17:53 mins

gawd..... if I ran like this during NS they'd lock me up and throw away the key...
too much of enjoying life here, gotta get off my butt and start moving more.

target by next fri - 2.4k 14 mins hehe... now if only the altitude only wasn't so high...(excuses..)

Interesting pic, one week before Christmas it was -20C, it was so cold even the snow frosted....
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